lapis_lazuli022

I'm having a hard time getting motivated to start working today. The report that snuck onto my desk in the last working hour of Friday is still here, still half-complete, begging for me to pick it up and start entering dividend rates and looking up unit costs.

I'm not sure why, but I had been entertaining this complex delusion in which someone else deemed this report a high priority and took it upon themselves to finish it yesterday, in my absence. Oh, well... It was a nice fantasy.

Having yesterday off was nice. I have another planned vacation day on Friday, and I'm tempted to call in apathetic on Thursday as well. We'll see.

Yesterday, cowboy_r and I woke up far earlier than we needed to. We spent a leisurely morning around the house, and left around 11:30 to meet diamond_j in Manhattan for lunch. We had mexican food in a pretty good restaurant that R recalled enjoying when he lived here. (Cantina, on 12th Street near University Place). It was decorated in typical Mexican restaurant style, with the addition of a generous sprinkling of shamrocks.

After saying our farewells to J, who was off to an appointment, we wandered down to the WTC site. I'd been more-or-less stalling on going down there, but since R had worked in one of those Buildings That Aren't There Anymore, I had mentioned that if he should decide he wanted to see the place for himself, I would like to take the opportunity and come along.

He sums it up well.

As I mentioned to him later, it hadn't affected me the way I expected it to - the way it affected him - because that part of the city isn't a place I visited much. It's not something I really had much context for. I'd never gotten out of that subway exit when the buildings were there, so I couldn't appreciate what it looked like with them missing. The skyline as seen across the Hudson River, or the view from my office, affect me much more.

I guess the almost-abstraction of the buildings from a more distant perspective was a part of my daily life in the way that the buildings themselves, in a stand-in-front-of-them, go-to-work-in-them way, were not. In my lifetime, I think I only actually passed them on foot, or entered them, a total of (hold on, I'm counting...) 5 or 6 times.

Still, I was glad to be there with R, to share in a part of his experience of them; I was glad to be there for R, to offer an ear to listen and a hand to hold while he processed what he needed to process.

Anyway, from there, we wandered and did a bit of window shopping, and then headed home.

We only spent a total of 4 hours in the city, but it took a lot out of us. By about 8 or 9 pm, we were both ready to crash, and we did head off to sleep not much later than that.

So, why am I so tired today?

All quiet on the eastern coast today.

I had another fantastic PL session this morning. She continues to impress me more and more. I can't express how glad I am that I'm doing this.

Last night was chilly again, so I brought the down quilt out of the closet. I adore those poofy, lightweight feather duvets, but that's not what this is. This thing is older than I am, weighs a ton, and feels like that lead apron the dentist puts over you before you get your teeth x-rayed. It's warm and comforting and you can burrow down in it and never be seen again. It also guarantees that the cat will come and snuggle with you all night.

So, yeah. I slept well for a change.

This morning I was out to the bus stop at 6:30 and was treated to a gorgeous pink and purple sunrise behind the Empire State Building. I like it best a few minutes later, just as the sun peeks over the horizon and turns all the skyscrapers a glowing silvery pink.

I'm a little lonely and I wish there'd been someone here to share these things with, but in general I'm pretty mellow and content today. I'm good.

>Dear Ms. [Lazuli],
>
>Thank you so much for reaching out to Project Liberty. It is wonderful
>how you've recognized that you may benefit from some counseling at this
>point in time. Project Liberty offers counseling to anyone in the New
>York area (who lives or works in NY) who has been affected by the World
>Trade Center disaster. You are certainly eligilble for these services.
>
>In order to connect with a counselor, you should call 1-800-LIFENET.
>One of the LIFENET counselors will connect you with an agency in a
>location that is convenient for you.
>
>Many people have found Project Liberty services to be helpful, and it
>sounds like you will too. Please let me know if there is anything else
>that we can do for you.

Encouraged by that really nice message, I phoned LIFENET last night to see what services I was eligible for. Apparently, I miss the LifeNet cut-off by two blocks: they only provide counseling for people who live or work south of Canal Street. [i know. don't get me started.]

However, I do qualify for Project Liberty (I guess I hadn't realised they were different things), and I was given referrals to three different treatment centers in my general area. I picked the one at St. Vincent's and just gave them a call. They were very nice on the phone, and my intake interview is set for 9:30am on September 12th.

wtc nightmare

( you don't have to read this )