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It took me a few days to snap back from the trauma of dealing with a dead pet. I have a lot to say about it, about how I discovered her and what I did for her and how that trauma manifested and how I coped with it. I suspect it's a bit much for the squeamish, though, and since after a week of thinking about it constantly I still haven't been able to figure out what level of internal editing and censorship is called for in writing about it, I've opted not to say anything at all.
I've always been highly attuned to milestones and anniversaries, especially recent ones. I'll come back from a trip, or something momentous will have happened, and as I process it and integrate it, I'll be constantly thinking about where I was at this time yesterday, or this time last week.
I'm glad I'm not where I was at this time last week. I was fidgeting in my seat, thinking more and more about it all, the more I tried not to. I was anxious and upset over what I might find when I got home, and even up to the moment when I turned my key in the lock, I wasn't sure which outcome I was hoping for -- to find her still holding on, or already having let go.
I honestly don't know where I'll be or what I'll be doing at this time tomorrow. At this time next week, though, I will be in Atlanta, frolicking and making trouble with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gen.
I like the forward view better than the backward one.
Looking forward to moving forward. That's me.
I've always been highly attuned to milestones and anniversaries, especially recent ones. I'll come back from a trip, or something momentous will have happened, and as I process it and integrate it, I'll be constantly thinking about where I was at this time yesterday, or this time last week.
I'm glad I'm not where I was at this time last week. I was fidgeting in my seat, thinking more and more about it all, the more I tried not to. I was anxious and upset over what I might find when I got home, and even up to the moment when I turned my key in the lock, I wasn't sure which outcome I was hoping for -- to find her still holding on, or already having let go.
I honestly don't know where I'll be or what I'll be doing at this time tomorrow. At this time next week, though, I will be in Atlanta, frolicking and making trouble with
gen. I like the forward view better than the backward one.
Looking forward to moving forward. That's me.
Lapis, slayer of dandelions
Monday, May 8th, 2006 09:30 amI joined Matt in the garden on Saturday, cultivating the bare patches of lawn and ripping out weeds. Weeding was no simple 'grab a stem and pull' maneuver. It involved taking a metal tool and shoving it into the ground, prying up the root system of the weed so that it could be extracted. Cultivating the ground involved raking all the dead grass out of the way, and then sprinkling down soil and fertilizer so that seed could be filled into the dead spots.
The weather was gorgeous, and it felt good to be out doing physical work in the sunlight. I can feel it in the backs of my thighs today, but it's a good kind of sore.
I have more fish in the pond now. I got five small koi, all in pale colors so that they'll show up well and be distinguishable from Shaun, Fish of the Dead, who is bright orange. They've survived the first week, and they all eat voraciously, even Shaun. I discovered that the trick is submerging the fish flakes. They won't come up to the surface to eat, but once the food settles, they devour it.
Speaking of pets, we've been dealing with a sick kitty for a while, but a week after her vet visit, she's starting to improve. Truffles was having some digestive issues that we've been treating for the past week. She has lots more energy now, and she's finally starting to leave presents in her box where they belong, instead of on the floor for us to find. This is doing very good things for my state of mind, as it's been upsetting to have a sick little girl, and it's also been upsetting to be confronted with a big disgusting mess first thing in the morning, day after day. It wasn't something I felt needed writing about, but suffice to say it's been going on for a while, and I'm glad things are improving.
Only two more payments and my homeowners' loan is paid off. My mood will improve even further when I have more money in my paychecks again!
The weather was gorgeous, and it felt good to be out doing physical work in the sunlight. I can feel it in the backs of my thighs today, but it's a good kind of sore.
I have more fish in the pond now. I got five small koi, all in pale colors so that they'll show up well and be distinguishable from Shaun, Fish of the Dead, who is bright orange. They've survived the first week, and they all eat voraciously, even Shaun. I discovered that the trick is submerging the fish flakes. They won't come up to the surface to eat, but once the food settles, they devour it.
Speaking of pets, we've been dealing with a sick kitty for a while, but a week after her vet visit, she's starting to improve. Truffles was having some digestive issues that we've been treating for the past week. She has lots more energy now, and she's finally starting to leave presents in her box where they belong, instead of on the floor for us to find. This is doing very good things for my state of mind, as it's been upsetting to have a sick little girl, and it's also been upsetting to be confronted with a big disgusting mess first thing in the morning, day after day. It wasn't something I felt needed writing about, but suffice to say it's been going on for a while, and I'm glad things are improving.
Only two more payments and my homeowners' loan is paid off. My mood will improve even further when I have more money in my paychecks again!
There is nothing like being awakened at 5:10am by a cat licking your eyebrow.
And it's a good thing there isn't! Yuck!
I went back to sleep and had a very strange dream. I think it's a recurring dream, or at least a recurring series, because I remember having a very frustrating dream in that old castle before, and this one seemed to build on the events of that one. I had to find a certain room number, but not all of the room numbers were on the corresponding floors where you'd think they might be. Some of the rooms starting with 10 were on the 10th floor, but some might be on the 3rd or 5th. I could only complete the puzzle once I figured that out. I also had a brief stint as a fictional character. Unfortunately, I looked the same to me, and only different to the people around me, so I didn't get to enjoy the change. And then my alarm rang, and I woke up and debated calling in apathetic, but my sense of duty brought me to work anyway. And here I am.
Our book club managers are cruel to us. One of them has submitted her book list with a sudoku puzzle on the front. We can't do the puzzle. If we come to a meeting with the puzzle filled in, our supervisors will tell us we have too much free time, and assign more work. This happened once, when I colored in one of their cover pictures with highlighters while waiting for a meeting to start. So we get to stare at the puzzle and not work it. I think I may photocopy it and work it through on the copy at lunch.
Life continues to go on. Matt is in California this week, but he'll be home after that. Possibly for a while. I made spelt angel hair with veggie alfredo sauce on Sunday - ambitious cooking, for me - and had the leftovers last night. This cooking thing isn't so bad.
I've been thinking about doing something formal like a delayed seder when Matt gets home, but I'm not sure about it. Maybe I'll do some grocery store browsing tonight and see if I get inspired. You'd think Passover would be the holiday tailor-made for the person who can't eat wheat, but I find myself not looking forward to listening to people complain about giving up something for one week that I can't have at all. I remember when a week without bread or pasta or pizza felt like forever, and when I couldn't even conceive of how to plan a whole week's worth of grain-free meals. I remember sneaking off to Pizza Hut for a passover hiatus one year, because we couldn't hold out, and jokingly using a Talmudic excuse to pretend to rationalize it away. So it's not that I don't understand. It's that I don't want to hear it. Welcome to my world. You only have to vacation here.
And it's a good thing there isn't! Yuck!
I went back to sleep and had a very strange dream. I think it's a recurring dream, or at least a recurring series, because I remember having a very frustrating dream in that old castle before, and this one seemed to build on the events of that one. I had to find a certain room number, but not all of the room numbers were on the corresponding floors where you'd think they might be. Some of the rooms starting with 10 were on the 10th floor, but some might be on the 3rd or 5th. I could only complete the puzzle once I figured that out. I also had a brief stint as a fictional character. Unfortunately, I looked the same to me, and only different to the people around me, so I didn't get to enjoy the change. And then my alarm rang, and I woke up and debated calling in apathetic, but my sense of duty brought me to work anyway. And here I am.
Our book club managers are cruel to us. One of them has submitted her book list with a sudoku puzzle on the front. We can't do the puzzle. If we come to a meeting with the puzzle filled in, our supervisors will tell us we have too much free time, and assign more work. This happened once, when I colored in one of their cover pictures with highlighters while waiting for a meeting to start. So we get to stare at the puzzle and not work it. I think I may photocopy it and work it through on the copy at lunch.
Life continues to go on. Matt is in California this week, but he'll be home after that. Possibly for a while. I made spelt angel hair with veggie alfredo sauce on Sunday - ambitious cooking, for me - and had the leftovers last night. This cooking thing isn't so bad.
I've been thinking about doing something formal like a delayed seder when Matt gets home, but I'm not sure about it. Maybe I'll do some grocery store browsing tonight and see if I get inspired. You'd think Passover would be the holiday tailor-made for the person who can't eat wheat, but I find myself not looking forward to listening to people complain about giving up something for one week that I can't have at all. I remember when a week without bread or pasta or pizza felt like forever, and when I couldn't even conceive of how to plan a whole week's worth of grain-free meals. I remember sneaking off to Pizza Hut for a passover hiatus one year, because we couldn't hold out, and jokingly using a Talmudic excuse to pretend to rationalize it away. So it's not that I don't understand. It's that I don't want to hear it. Welcome to my world. You only have to vacation here.
for mockduck
Saturday, April 1st, 2006 06:22 pmMy window cats!
This is the first day we've had that was actually warm enough to go out without a jacket. Matt wanted to take a trip to the Garden Center, which I think means that spring, or at least Spend All Weekend Preening the Backyard season, has officially begun.
The Zombie Fish is close to being renamed Shaun, Fish of the Dead. Somehow he's survived a long, cold winter, the pond freezing solid and being covered with snow, then being almost completely drained because we didn't know he was in there, not to mention not having been fed since last year. Yet he's still swimming around happily and vigorously. It's almost creepy. I'm afraid that if I do a thorough pond cleaning, or add food or anything, the shock of it will kill him. ("Clean water! *gack!*")
So, no friends for Zombie Fish, this time around, though we did get some shrubs to line the pond and a few other supplies. Among those were new gardening gloves for both of us, so that Matt could promptly get to work planting things and leave the gloves neatly in their shopping bag on the countertop. I got this brand last year called Mud Gloves which are cotton gloves double dipped in latex rubber. They're lined, so they're comfortable, but they feel nearly impenetrable. Great for pruning rosebushes or moving rough concrete blocks around. So this year, we each got a pair.
Matt did most of the planting work this afternoon, though I helped by consulting on placement, holding the wheelbarrow steady, and bringing him beverages. The kittens helped by looking on, fascinated, from the kitchen window.
So now we have shrubberies planted (Ni!), dinner has been eaten, and I think we're going to spend the rest of the evening doing laundry and just hanging out together. Matt's next trip begins at 6:00 tomorrow morning... which is going to come an hour sooner than it should.
This is the first day we've had that was actually warm enough to go out without a jacket. Matt wanted to take a trip to the Garden Center, which I think means that spring, or at least Spend All Weekend Preening the Backyard season, has officially begun.
The Zombie Fish is close to being renamed Shaun, Fish of the Dead. Somehow he's survived a long, cold winter, the pond freezing solid and being covered with snow, then being almost completely drained because we didn't know he was in there, not to mention not having been fed since last year. Yet he's still swimming around happily and vigorously. It's almost creepy. I'm afraid that if I do a thorough pond cleaning, or add food or anything, the shock of it will kill him. ("Clean water! *gack!*")
So, no friends for Zombie Fish, this time around, though we did get some shrubs to line the pond and a few other supplies. Among those were new gardening gloves for both of us, so that Matt could promptly get to work planting things and leave the gloves neatly in their shopping bag on the countertop. I got this brand last year called Mud Gloves which are cotton gloves double dipped in latex rubber. They're lined, so they're comfortable, but they feel nearly impenetrable. Great for pruning rosebushes or moving rough concrete blocks around. So this year, we each got a pair.
Matt did most of the planting work this afternoon, though I helped by consulting on placement, holding the wheelbarrow steady, and bringing him beverages. The kittens helped by looking on, fascinated, from the kitchen window.
So now we have shrubberies planted (Ni!), dinner has been eaten, and I think we're going to spend the rest of the evening doing laundry and just hanging out together. Matt's next trip begins at 6:00 tomorrow morning... which is going to come an hour sooner than it should.
feline maintenance
Saturday, February 18th, 2006 08:21 pmWe bathed our kittens today. Now they are oh-so-soft.
And blueberry scented!
And blueberry scented!
cat paradox
Friday, June 24th, 2005 11:28 pmIf my cat pees on my things to protest that she has no water in her dish, how does she get enough water to turn into pee to perform the act?
And if she does know where to find the water (like for instance upstairs in the kittens' dish)... where's the problem??
And if she does know where to find the water (like for instance upstairs in the kittens' dish)... where's the problem??
I'm missing a fish.
It's gone. Really. I moved the ornaments, I checked the area around the tank, everything. It's just gone. The full hood on the aquarium means it's doubtful it fell into little kitty paws, and the water level is kept too low for them to jump out the small space between the hood and the filter, should they try to... but the Nibbler is just plain not there.
This is my second fish abduction. The first one was from my pond, and I have circumstantial evidence that points to a culprit. This one... No clue. There's no way the kittens could have gotten him out of there, especially not without making a huge, obvious mess.
It's gone. Really. I moved the ornaments, I checked the area around the tank, everything. It's just gone. The full hood on the aquarium means it's doubtful it fell into little kitty paws, and the water level is kept too low for them to jump out the small space between the hood and the filter, should they try to... but the Nibbler is just plain not there.
This is my second fish abduction. The first one was from my pond, and I have circumstantial evidence that points to a culprit. This one... No clue. There's no way the kittens could have gotten him out of there, especially not without making a huge, obvious mess.
