I'm at J's now, in the guest room, with a view facing the George Washington Bridge. Every time I close my eyes, I see a nightmare image of the gwb exploding in front of my eyes, too. I have to keep looking out the window to convince myself that it, and the world, is still here.
[slightly revised 9-13]
That's been the worst part of this for me -- not knowing what was going to come next. When we heard about DC, it became even more frightening: it meant it wasn't isolated. For all we knew it could have been the whole country; from the panicked rumors we heard, it almost certainly was. We heard lots of rumors of bombs in lots of buildings, and didn't know what was real and what wasn't. We didn't want to walk uptown to Janna's apartment because we didn't want to pass the Empire State Building or the UN or any other landmarks. We didn't know what would be next. We still don't.
When the first tower was hit, someone in the office yelled for us all to come and look. From the south-facing window on my floor (at broadway and spring in SoHo), we had a clear and unobstructed view. There was a gaping hole near the top of the building. We thought it might be a serious pilot error, but didn't think much past that. As we watched, just about the time when people were starting to say "Okay, show's over, let's get back to work" the other tower seemed to spontaneously burst into a blooming explosion of orange and black. We all screamed and looked on, transfixed. That early MSNBC footage looking at the towers straight-on from the north, with the plane coming around back of bldg 1 and disappearing, and then the explosion on the front of bldg 2 with no plane in sight? That's exactly what I saw out the window. There were helicopters circling, so we probably didn't notice the plane amidst the news and police vehicles also in the sky around the building. The news footage looks like it's in slow motion, though. It all happened so fast. The explosion was fast, just a single poof of red and orange, ballooning up and turning into black smoke.
Someone turned on a radio and we heard reports of a second plane, but it had come around from the south side and we didn't see it. We only saw the explosion. The glass and papers hung, glittering in the air. As the smoke rose away from the building, the air currents kept lifting them, and they didn't fall. The radio announcer said, "We apologize for this brief interruption in our broadcast, but our building is being evacuated!"
J turned up after the first one hit, I think, and instantly thought of our friend Megan who works at the World Financial Center, right across the street from the WTC. J called Megan on her mobile. M didn't know what was going on - she'd gotten out of the subway to find herself covered in ash and falling papers, and was taking photos of it. J caught her up, and told her to get the hell out of there and head up to our office. If she hadn't, M might not have made it.
I raced back to my desk to get to the phone and email. I was on the phone with Matt, insisting that we had seen no second plane, and that we didn't know what caused the explosion, when we got word that something had happened in DC as well. That's when we knew it wasn't an isolated incident and feared where they would strike next. The large numbers of false rumors flying at the time didn't help... that there were a total of 7 passenger planes hijacked, that there were car bombs in many locations, that several things had been blown up that later turned out not to have been. Lots of stories and it was hard to know what was real, except for the devastation I'd just seen with my own eyes. People on the london goth list posted real news of confirmed events; it was the only connection to the media I had.
I called my parents, wrote to other loved ones and my mailing lists. Got back to the window just in time to see the dust cloud from the first building falling. I wrote a panicked message to the london list. As I was doing another pass through my email for facts, the sirens started and the building fire marshal announced that we were being evacuated. I grabbed my handbag and two photos of Matt from my desk. We all walked down the ten flights of stairs without even noticing them, and I got outside into chaos, thinking "I should have told people that I love them."
There was a mass exodus taking place up Broadway - just people from other SoHo businesses at that point; no one had made it that far from the WTC area yet.
Megan had arrived just as they were evacuating us. It was chaotic at our office, so she went on to another friend's office just up the street. The two of them eventually found their way home to Queens together.
Lots of my coworkers went home, but I knew I couldn't get back to NJ, and we didn't want to walk to J's apartment uptown because we had to either pass Empire State Building or the UN, and we were afraid either one of them might be next. Soon we got the ok to go back inside. We watched the tv screen in the lobby for a few minutes, and then went upstairs to check voice and email. I was walking toward my desk when I heard screams from neighboring floors. I ran to the window just in time to see the 2nd tower collapse in a cloud of debris, pieces, big chunks of concrete went flying off it as it fell. I didn't know what I was seeing for a long moment. I just stared in disbelief.
I expected the towers to endure, with burned out floors on their upper levels, till repairs could be made. I didn't think they would fall. I didn't ever think they would fall.
We hung out in the lunchroom watching the news for most of the day. The lunchroom has -- had-- a great view of the towers. In fact, several people had watched from there and been able to hear the explosions. But now all the chairs were turned firmly away from the window and people watched it on the tv screen in silence instead. It was easier, with the illusion of some distance, than looking at it raw and real.
A few times we went back to our desks to check voice & email. I called my dad in D.C. again (he was safe in his basement office at 16th and K streets NW, and not planning to move from his safety till it was well over) and checked in with matt. Sometimes it took 3 or 4 tries to get a line out, but we were able to connect. J needed some air so we went down to the street. Ambulances and ash-covered ppl were making their way up an otherwise deserted Broadway. if we looked down the street to our right, we could clearly see the thick plumes of black smoke.
A group of people - about 40 or 50 - were clotted together down the street. It turned out they were gathered around a parked car, listening to its radio.
It was about 1 or 2:00. My knees were shaking and I knew I needed something in my system, but I didn't think I could handle food. I got an orange gatorade from the deli down the street. We went back inside our building and I phoned Matt and checked mail, then managed to eat half a bagel with tuna.
Some co-workers were going to try to share a cab back across to NJ. I thought that would be foolish and didn't want to go in on it with them. There's no way the bridge was open, and even if it was, it would have taken forever in traffic to get to it.
J & I were back upstairs around 3:00 watching Mayor Giuliani's press conference. When he announced that the lettered subway lines were open, we decided to go for it before others found out that they were running and the lines got crowded. We took an absolutely empty E train (literally - no people on the train at all, because it was originating at our station) from West 4th to 50th and walked the rest of the way to the 80s.
I felt better once I couldn't see it anymore. I feel guilty about that... but having it loom over me made a continued threat feel more imminent. Made me feel helpless to help all those people still trapped inside, and those poor people on the planes, who must have seen what was happening (unless they were already dead, which might actually have been better for them) and couldn't stop it.
So, I can't get home, but I'm safe and comfortable. There's a futon, a fresh toothbrush for me, more orange gatorade (has to be orange. I don't know why... it's just my comfort drink when I'm sick). J and A have been great, and don't mind me tying up their phone lines trying to call home (it's impossible to get through. we were getting much better connections from work earlier).
Don't know when I'll get home. Buses won't be running for a while, and bridges and tunnels are closed. At last check, Manhattan is closed south of 14th street on Wednesday, so at least we won't have to try to go to work in the morning -- it's beyond the company's control. We saw them lining up rescue and construction vehicles along Houston Street, which is also north of our building. I work closer than that.
So, that's my day.
I'm really touched by how many people came out of the woodwork to check on me today. People I haven't heard from in years. People I'm officially not on speaking terms with. Friends from England, Israel, Australia and all over the US. If I haven't responded to your private mail, it's because it's been a rather overwhelming day.. but I do appreciate every one of you. It really makes me feel loved, and the support and strength is helping me not to fall apart right now. :)
Thanks again... more editing and updates tomorrow.
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